I began reading a new book the other day that was highly recommended from Dr. Lithe - the most intelligent one of my small group of friends. She said it had made a tremendous impact on her life and wanted us to all read it so we could all discuss it.
The first three chapters deal with Honesty, Warmth and Forgiveness. I've quickly been able to see that the author is pointing out not only how others benefit from my kindness, but how I benefit from showing kindness to others.
Regarding honesty, the author makes the point that every time I lie - even if it is a "white lie" - one given so as not to hurt someone else's feelings - my brain and my body will react with a bit more stress than when I am honest. I have struggled with not being completely honest with my feelings in order to avoid hurting another person. Perhaps in the moment I can avoid causing pain, but in the long run - telling it like it is is actually kinder. When I have been able to do that, I feel settled, at peace, and more whole than when I am less than honest.
Regarding warmth - the author stresses that as humans, we must have relationships in which we feel cared for, appreciated and known. The beauty is in knowing that as I give warmth to others, I am also feeling the benefit. I can't show compassion without being warmed in the process. Showing warmth then, is a way of not only being kind to others, but to myself as well.
Regarding forgiveness. Again - the author is pointing out that when I forgive, I am the one who benefits. Forgiving an offense means that I am no longer going to be angry over what happened; it doesn't mean I have to be vulnerable to being hurt again, it doesn't mean that I condone the action - it just means that I will let go of my anger over it.
It seems that - based on the first three chapters - being kind to others is actually the best way to show kindness to myself. If I set out to only be kind to me - I end up being self absorbed and narcissistic. If I set out to be kind to others - I not only will impact others, but I am reaping the benefit.
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1 comment:
Whoa, great start...way to go.
Your post is the second thing I have read this morning that is an answer to a prayer...I need to ask forgiveness of someone I wronged...who first wronged me.
Am going to be angry until I forgive, and won't be able to ask forgiveness, either. Humility, alas, is not my strongsuit!
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